It is best to give advice when they are persistently asked. Then it is likely that the council will be perceived. If they don’t ask, but I really want to give, it is worth “sticking” to him something attractive, distracting or just tell about what doubt you give advice-then he will also be heard.
“Yulenka, you wash the strawberries incorrectly!» — an elderly relative told me. In his youth, it seemed terrible stupidity: how can the strawberries be washed wrong? Over the years, it turned out that yes, there are different ways. Tender berries are crumbling if you put a colander under a stream of water. Therefore, it is better to immerse strawberries into the water, rinse carefully, and then drain the water.
I wonder how many such tips that the elders gave us — and which seemed superfluous, stupid, inappropriate — were actually quite useful? And it is also interesting why we so protested and did not want to listen
to them.
Now I myself say to my son: «lower the colander lower into the sink, the water will not fly so much». And, probably, my tips seem to him the same worthless. «
So my friend Julia said, and in the meantime I remembered his own son — when he washes the dishes, he loves to arrange flooding fields in the whole kitchen and, of course, does not heed any of my calls to do without this mighty irrigation.
My thought scattered through two branches.
Firstly, why sometimes we squeamishly shield our shoulders in response to quite reasonable remarks? Maybe the fact is that we are ready to accept advice from everyone, but only from those from whom we treat with a special feeling or to whom we would like to be like — alas, relatives do not always fall into this list?
Secondly, because, probably, the council of strawberries can be given differently-so how to do it right?
“It is best to give advice when they are persistently asked,” Anna Varga, a systemic family therapist, answered my question. — Then it is likely that the council will be perceived «.
And then I realized that my question, to be honest, should sound like this: «How to give uninvited advice correctly»? Because to imagine a happy picture, as the son says: “Explain how to wash the dishes …», I did not succeed.
Anna Varga answered this family psychotherapist as follows: “If the advice is not asked, but I really want to give it, it is worth“ gluing ”something attractive or distracting or just telling about what doubt you give advice, then heIt will also be heard. For example: “I didn’t want to speak by the arm, but..»Or:» You, of course, will be angry now, but I will say it … «.
Interest arises, and he erodes a protest that is born in response to uninvited teachings «.
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